Truth is I have felt alone ever since my dad died.( Not to give the impression that he was an amazing father, because he wasn’t. He was delusional and in denial.) when he died I had nobody there to pick up the pieces of me that died in that room with him. My hopes and dreams of having a relationship with him were gone. Poof.
My mom wasn’t there. Nobody was there. Even the one friend I thought I had wasn’t fucking there. I cried to her and begged her to come keep me company…but she was too busy with her own agenda to give a shit.
Isn’t that what it always is though? People are too damn busy with their own agenda’s to give a shit. I have nobody & nobody has me. I trust nobody.
(This 110% excludes my daughter)
People are selfish. If something doesn’t benefit them they won’t invest in it. Don’t mind human decency because it doesn’t exist any longer. If it does, it is scarce.

I lost a lot the day my dad died & gained some new perspective. Some new fears, as well.

I used to have two parents that loved me, even if they were horribly flawed in their skills of parenting. Now, it feels like I have absolutely no one that loves me or even likes me aside from my daughter.
It’s lonely, but possibly better this way. It’s an easy way to avoid disappointment and betrayal, and bullshit and all the horrendous heartache that comes along with those things.